11.20.08

A Divine Plan

Posted in Monthly at 9:52 am by Pasha

By Pasha Carroll

If you would have asked me a few months ago what it takes to plan a wedding, my response would have been something along the lines of, “My wedding is going to be small, with no muss no fuss. Not much planning necessary.”

However, like most events that arise in our lives, I was totally unprepared for what would happen after he slipped the ring on my finger. What was to be a small and intimate affair, wherever and whenever we wanted, quickly became a tangled web of decisions based on custom, tradition, and ultimately, other people’s feelings. Lists were compiled, vacation sites were closely scoured, and dates were mulled over at length. And just like that, I nervously handed over a ludicrous amount of money for a beach house and our plans were set in stone.

The house, the date, the dress, it all became real that day. Next August I will no longer be Miss Carroll, I will be Mrs. Krise. With a Save The Date blasted via email weeks later, we were set on a guest list that would mean we could celebrate with many of the people we cherish. In the midst of a smaller wedding, it still hurt that we couldn’t invite everyone, that all family came before any friends. But with a family like mine, six siblings and their partners, more than a half dozen nieces and nephews—of which two are having their own kids, there is not much room beyond blood.

I tend to feel bad about making people spend their vacation time and money on our fete. I feel bad about leaving out my best friends. I feel bad about asking our families to help out in order to cut costs. Stupid words seem to spew from my mouth at random when I talk about the wedding. For every one thing that makes me feel great—like the thought of saying vows to Matthew—I have another reason to feel bad—like what if nobody can hear those vows because of the wind at night on the beach. Or what if not everyone plans to stay on the island and has a hard time getting off it after our night ceremony? During the planning it has been a series of giving up one thing to gain another. Hurting one person to benefit another (mostly us.) And I wonder, just how “bad” it will get?

So, yes, my guilt is running deep in the planning phases of project, “Get Hitched.” My sanity has come in various forms over the past month or so … the first is having people to talk to who are as excited as me. And another is having a soon-to-be husband who insists on making me laugh when my eyebrows furrow together and my voice is raised 10 notches. He reminds me that this is supposed to be fun and we are doing to best we can to accommodate and inform our guests. And that ultimately we love each other and will be together, and that’s was matters the most.

But in the end, the final planning–from music to munchies–might just take a bit of divine intervention from the man upstairs.

11.05.08

An Uncertain Future; a Faith Not Forgotten

Posted in Monthly at 12:09 pm by Pasha