06.30.09

The Bridal Begining

Posted in Monthly at 11:33 am by Pasha

It all starts with the bridal shower. When the showers hit I knew, I am actually going to get married!

From the moment Vro picked me up, heck from the second I spotted lake Erie I felt an “ah, home” moment. Nothing will ever feel as comfortable as here. Vrolet is an unwavering sister, a constant companion and forever best friend. Again, I am blessed. I rushed home to see my momma and Gleamer. Upon entering my childhood home everything else in the world washes away. I am a teenager, bouncing in, carefree and without the baggage that I carry in now. I thought not about the world and a future for my kids then. I thought only of myself and how I would be in my future. It was at the same time selfish and exactly right. It was the things a 15-year-old is supposed to worry about. Prom and parties, boys and hairstyles. Life was simple. And somehow now when I go home it still is.

I slept in my mother’s bed this week. My father conveniently passed out on the couch every night I was home. I laid nose to nose with her and let go of my fears about being a wife, about the man I was going to marry. In the intimate moments of being a child I may have scared her. I told her the reasons I had trepidations, always following the story with, “I should be marrying him, right.” I told her the reasons I was marrying Matthew, reasoning logic to her and me at the same time. She quelled my fears and said she would always have a home for me to come to, a place to run if anything bad ever happened. And I felt like no matter what happens in life I have a home to come to, a place to revert to my innocence, a mother who will not judge out loud, a person to wipe my tears and a place where I will never have to feel stuck and hopeless. Those log walls always hold a grand amount of my hopes and dreams.

I put on my white dress the very next day and with my oldest sister made my way to my bridal shower. Paulaya had put so many thoughts, so many hours, so many days into making it special for me. Before I went into her house for the big reveal, whatever my sisters had been up to all these weeks, we had to settle the kids outside. We set up the sprinkler and filled the squirt guns. Clothes were shed and traded for spandex suits it alarmingly florescent colors—best to spot a toddler on the run. This whole process, all the waiting to see what was inside did not bother me a bit. In those moments with the kids, as the mommy’s herd them into group activities, I feel more at peace and more like I am having fun than any time our dancing and drinking with adults. I thrive on that chaos. It is where I felt most comfortable.

When I finally entered through the Grocott’s French doors I was truly surprised. Besides the flowing MILK chocolate fountain (milk chocolate being my favorite and really the only kind that I like), there was a very, very special spread of food. Carefully labeled were dishes representing many of the cities I had lived: NYC bagels, Boston baked beans, Costa Rican gallo pinto, Florida oranges, Chicago pizza, and England’s Shepherds pie. I broke into tears, as I often do. It was so touching and representative of me. Not any other bride, just ME. I hugged their necks, my sisters, my nieces, my mother, my blood, my life.

After we feasted I opened my gifts, about to burst with emotion and chocolate! Each item was touching, each meant the world. But one, one stood out. Two “Showered with Love” CD’s compiled of songs submitted by my closest companions. I read each title and cried more and more. It was so thoughtful.

Soon, it was time for the games, amidst soggy children and perfect summer day in Buffalo.

To be continued …