01.31.10

Everyday a Someday

Posted in Monthly at 8:54 am by Pasha

By Pasha Holiday

I think about my life and my future and I think about how everyday has always been a someday. For many of the times I have said, “someday I will do this,” I have. I worked towards making it happen and realized my goal. Even so, nearly everyday I still find myself saying, “someday I will do that.”

My dreams as a young girl were ordinary; have a career, meet a nice boy and marry him, buy a house and have a family. I veered a little off the path. On the way to doing so many of those things, I happened upon life. Through it all I have kept the someday coming as a way to set my mind on a few things and go where the road takes me.

I have had my fair share of jobs. A few were even a someday come to fruition but, unfortunately, mostly were just jobs. When I interned at Redbook Magazine I felt like I had hit a career goal by working for a Hearst Magazine. After college, my first real job at The Walton Sun was a dream come true. Being a reporter was a someday that I had for most of my adult life. I loved what I did but I knew it wasn’t a forever. As the adult years kept coming I found myself in enjoyable but all together numbing jobs. A manager of this or that, a restaurant worker, a B2B freelancer; no matter what, it has yet to be really thirst quenching. In the last year of my 20’s, my someday for work that I truly love has become more clear to me. I know that someday I will write a book. I know that someday I will own a restaurant. Somehow, someday, I have to reach these two aspirations.

In my travels I have indeed met a nice boy. I met plenty of nice boys. My tales of loves, relationships, dating and being a general wild child are enough to propel me into my geriatric years. It seemed that with all of those guys, the ones I only met once and the one that I eventually gave my heart to, I asked myself, “Could I someday marry him.” All too often an immediate and certain conclusion was, “HELL NO!” But once, maybe a few times, I thought that I definitely could. The heartbreaks, the breakups, the drowning of sorrow and the times I thought my eyeballs would pop out from too many hours spent sobbing were all really just blessings. Because now that my someday of marriage is today, I cannot fathom it with anyone else.

After I married said boy, we bought a house. I always, always have said, “Someday I will buy an old house and renovate it.” Now I am sanding, scraping, puttying and painting that same someday! It is not that I don’t love this old house on Richmond Street or that I mind my days being vacuumed up by the ever daunting task of renewing every inch of 1500 square feet. I got everything I asked for in this place. Sometimes the someday is way more than you anticipated. This someday is overwhelming. And this someday won’t last forever. So I am (trying) to cherish the moments of it. With each last coat of paint and every time I furnish a space, I feel proud. I feel like I made a good decision and that with hard work this someday will make my next someday happen.

After getting married and buying a house everybody starts to ask, “When are you having a baby?” In a family where everyone has a baby, my time to someday start a family is on the clock. I will call home sometimes and the person on the other end won’t even say “hello.” They just joyfully scream, “You’re Pregnant!” I can hear pity and sadness in their tones when I let them down easy by saying, “Soon, soon, I swear!” It is a daunting someday, the one that changes the rest of your life forever. You can divorce a husband, lose a job or a house, but a child is always your child. Even one day when they fly the coupe, a parent still worries; a mother always remembers the first time she cradled that baby. It is the ultimate someday life changer. Hopefully someday I will experience it.

In the pondering of my own someday, I can simply conclude this: Have a life full of someday, the one you already have had and the days that are yet to come. Make every day that comes in between a someday really matter; those days will get you where you need to be and pretty darn close to someday.