07.28.11

Facebook Implications

Posted in Monthly at 11:48 am by Pasha

By Pasha Holiday

Facebook, love it or hate it, is now a part of our social network. Mom is on it, your niece and nephew are on it, the ex-lover is is on it, hell, grandpa is even on it. And you cannot get your teenage children off it! While a status is “supposed” to be straight forward, it actually is a loaded implication to whatever is happening in that persons life. Few come out and speak the truth on Facebook’s widely public platform, instead, they imply what is really happening on the other side of the computer screen.

“Feeling so sick and tired. Wish I could have a drink.” This one is written by a woman who is pregnant but has yet to let the cat out of the bag on the Internet or at work. Her friends and family all know the secret and are jumping out of their socks wanting to say “congrats” to the post. However, those in the know are under strict orders to wait until the announcement post has been made to make their well-wishes public. Miss Preggers is probably about eight weeks along and is trying to make it to the 10-week mark to let the entirety of the Facebook world now. Inevitability, some idiot acquaintance that she barely knows responds with, “Maybe you are knocked up.” Uh, you think?!?!

“Men (or Women) SUCK.” Yeah, that means you, the man/woman that she/he is either dating, breaking up with or used to date. It is a blanket statement meant to tell the whole world that the relationship is shaky or one the rocks. The poster needs someone to talk, or rather vent, to. All the best friends were telephoned but when nobody answered there was only one option left: a Facebook rant. The sucky man or woman is also meant to see this and contemplate what they have done, or initiate further conversation to make it better.

“I’m Board.” This one is most commonly written by pre-teens/teenager (and yes, it is spelled wrong on purpose, because most times on Facebook, that is how too many of them spell it!) It is virtually the same thing that teenagers have been doing since the beginning of time: Sleep until noon, watch MTV, not like what mom cooks for lunch, friends are busy and yes, are severely bored by life. A pre-teen spends their entire school year waiting for summer or breaks and then when they have them they notice that life is dull hanging with mom or dad, or worse, both! Yeah, us parents know there is all too much to do, specifically chores and such. When the not-old-enough-to-drive and stay-all-day-at-the-beach-alone aged kids say this, mothers across the world tell them to go outside and play. Now days they hop on the Internet and Facebook instead and declare their boredom to the world.

Other common Facebook Implications that are not status updates include:

Unfriend: This is the modern day way to break-up with a friend. Sometimes it is used to unfriend a person that you never actually wanted to friend in the first place, you just wanted to check out a picture that they had, or hell, all their pictures (especially those of exes). Face-stalking is pretty serious business! Other times you had a fight or a falling out, this is the new way to hang up and ignore calls. Most times you don’t even realize that you have been unfriended until, ominously, you stop seeing his or her news-feed, posts and photos. You go to their page only to realize that you can no longer see their profile … you have been UNFRIENDED!

Pictures with the new man or woman: Sure to be seen by the ex. Enough said.

A very active news-feed: This person who posted multiple articles a day believes in and passionate about their cause. They want to tell the entire world (and make them see the light/error of their ways) that shelter dogs need love, attachment parenting is the best, they are the mecca of the fashion world or that the world is going to end. Someone who posts a lot of articles onto the news-feed is truly into what they got going on, and they just want to share it with the rest of the (online) world!

Facebook, great for so many things (like implying that your kid is the greatest in the world … guilty as charged,) is just that, great for a lot of things. Like sharing pictures and great moments with friends. Now, Farmville, Cafeland, posting when you have done something menial, friending anyone and everyone and all that other BS that Facebook harbors, that is just an implication that there really is nothing better to do!